Your poor mother

That tends to be the first response when I tell the whole adoption story. I grew up with the traditional mom too young to raise you story. Imagine my surprise to find out she had planned to raise me but her mother and doctor told her I died and had me adopted out. Money is such a wonderful thing. 99% of the time I get the "your poor mother". Well, you know, poor me too. Its a lousy feeling to find out your own grandmother sold you off, lied to her own daughter and had NO REGRETS. How evil can you be????? Even though I had cut contact with my aparents many years before I was so tempted to call my amother and tell her I found the truth out. She knew some of what happened. I wanted to rub it in her face, but I held back. She was terminally ill and I knew my asis would never forgive me for it. Plus, I am not really a mean person. Now I have to deal with my nmother's lack of contact, rules etc. I HATE being a secret. I understand her reasons but does it make it better? NO. She has also said very hurtful things "It was easier believing you were dead than finding out you were alive". "I dont have any mothers love for you, that died a long time ago". Um thanks. At least you are going to sugar coat it and lead me on. Yes there is always a bright side. I also get comments about, well your story isnt NORMAL. Oh really, adoption is? Removing a child from his/her mother is normal? Then I get the you are one of those "antiadoption people". Well I am ANTI MY ADOPTION yes! I realize that foster kids removed due to neglect and abuse need homes. I wasnt one of those so stop using that as an example to show how great adoption is. Evil grandma died two years ago, I think we can all figure out where she and evil doctor are now.

Sigh

"Is Charlotte still dead" my almost six year old dd asked me yesterday. "Yes". Its so hard to explain death to young kids. Her cousin was killed early Sunday in a car accident. It was easier to explain her great grandmother's death due to age than this senseless death. All week she has been watching Charlotte's Web too. Next week Saturday will be the funeral so hopefully Caitlin will be more accepting of this sad situation. My other daughter is upset as this is a trigger for her. The family lost two small cousins five years ago. Brie was only six when it happened. For a long time she was afraid her sister would get run over (the girls were run over by their mother's truck in a freak accident). Brie has been moody and grumpy all week. Yuck!

Phone call

I'm not much of a phone talker. Ndad is. He calls when he is on the road going home from job sites. It makes sense and the time usually works well with me. I am not one to discuss emotions (well online etc but not IRL). He has been having a tough time with his business. My half bro P was his main sales guy but he walked out a few weeks ago. Its a good thing as the two had different approaches to business and there was a lot of conflict. We talked a bit about P who I had always wondered about how he really felt about me "popping up". His wife J had made a few comments about how she thought she would have the "first" grandkids. Hmmm P has an older sister (same mom, different dad) with two kids. Did they not count? I guess my kids were a threat to being first. Ndad, P and J are all very competitive Type A personalities. P and J would argue about who was best at diaper changing etc while I was visiting. We sorta hung out but I just didnt feel a real connection to them. I did like P's older sis though, she is a lot like my asis in looks and personality I guess. Ndad didnt come out and say it but it sounds like P wanted us to have a paternity test (guess the fact I look just like our dad doesnt count?). Whatever comment P said or has said, ndad told me to just ignore P because I was in his life now and P just has to deal with it. I think maybe P was upset because I really got on well with ndad's wife M. I really think she is a great person, fun and person I would pick for a friend. KWIM? It's taken him over nine years to accept M. I do understand somewhat since ndad has made some really bad relationship choices over the years and P had to deal with all that drama. It did make me feel good in a way that ndad shot down the issue of paternity (I would have done the DNA test). I hope ndad doesnt stress out too much cleaning up the mess P made of the business. Ndad had some serious health issues so P helped but didnt know when to hand back control over the company to ndad. Ndad is also worried that P is using cocaine or something similar. He had been more and more paranoid and several people have told ndad the same concerns. If so, P is going down that road ndad was on for so many wasted years. Do we learn from our parents mistakes??????

Names, family history and being real

Like the majority of adoptees, I had no idea as the my ethnicity. My afather was mostly German, my amother full Irish and both my asibs were adopted from Germany. Me, born in Texas. When I was about 8, I demanded to see my adoption papers, all that there was (unlike asibs) was my adoption decree. Infant Atwell, my real name. Through the years of not knowing more, I clung to this name knowing at least it was English and I had some ethnic identity. I am a history buff and resented not knowing where my ancestors were in history. My amother would hint at various things (like when the miniseries Holocaust was on that it would be neat to be Jewish, WTF? have your people eradicated?). My abro told my my ndad was Mexican????? My afather was a total racist so either possibility was insane.
During my search, when I finally got back online, I had the list narrowed down to seven possibles. I didnt know nmom's age so it was harder. As I started to make trees on each woman, one name sounding very Jewish popped out (her mother's line). AHA. I really began to suspect there was some truth in amother's hints. As I began to call and eliminate possibilities, I finally connected with S, my nmom.
As we talked she told me that Atwell wasnt really the family surname. I was stunned! Over 30 years of fantasizing about a name and I was wrong?????? The name was almost pronounced the same but spelled O***. She didnt know much about the history but gave a few names (grgrandparents etc). Right away I jumped into researching and found a great deal posted on the O*** line, including a book about the family back to 1600s! Cool!
I then began to research my maternal grandmother's line (the one with the Jewish sounding names). I was way off on one name, they were Quakers when they came over and this line was well documented too. There were even pictures of family including my gr-gr-grandmother, the resemblance to me is unreal. It creeps out the family...lol On to the other maternal line. The G line is not as well researched or documented but I found postings looking for family with that name missing from the Holocaust!!!!!!!! WOW. My G line came over in the late 1700s but is connected somehow with the ones who stayed in Germany. I was so excited to learn so much history and its an ongoing process.
After contacting ndad (this may be a repeat from earlier posts) he told me he had been adopted by his stepfather and knew nothing on his ndad.ARG Life is not simple. I began to research the B**g name. I found a lot of information as that family didnt move for 200 years...lol
All research is still in progress. Genealogy research never really ends. I do research "collateral" lines (aunts, uncles, cousins etc) because you never know who may have pics and documents.
I also have a real sense of where my ancestors were in American history and roots. I also have my ethinicity restored! Yes, a lot of English as I had believed, but also Irish, Scottish, Dutch, German, French, Italian, Spanish and Creek. Knowing this has been wonderful but it should be everyone's birthright. No one should go through live wondering who looks back at them in the mirror. No one should have to beg for information about themselves. No one should have their original birth records sealed forever.
Being real, means having a history and roots.