Justifying my Existence..... Again

I did it again! Ndad was contacted by the daughter of his late step/adopted brother (L was his brother from ndad's step/adopted father's first marriage, ndad's mother and his step/adopted dad had a son also). Anyway now that its more confusing..... Ndad forwarded the email to me, he had told T "My daughter M blah blah does the genealogy". So I email T all about the genie I have done and guess what I do? I justify who I am. I had to tell her (via first email) that I was adopted and J was my ndad and that I had found him three years ago. Its like I have to keep explaining who I am and why I am researching this line. Do real people do this? Sure they would say I am X dau blah blah, but why did I have to mention the whole adoption crap? Ndad didnt email her with "M is my daughter who was adopted out at birth who found me three years ago and does the genealogy". It was plain old M is my daughter etc. I hate feeling like I have to explain who I am in connection with the research I am doing, or maybe more so explaining why I have only been working on this three years. I hate not being a real person.

Adoptee (non) Rights

I re-read "An Adopted Woman" by Katrina Maxtone-Graham over the weekend. She was a NY born adoptee who confronted her agency in 1973 and searched. Her book was published in 1983, the year I turned 18 and was "allowed" to search. I joined ALMA that year too. Her search was in the very beginnings in the adoptee rights movement. It is very sad to see how little progress has been made since then. Adoptees are still told they are "ungrateful" if they want to know their roots. We are also "lucky you werent aborted". The list goes on. Agencies, just like in 1973-1975 in the book mentioned, still wield the power over adoptees and natural parents. Its horrible that someone in an office can see the adoptees file and deny the adoptee basic human rights. Everyone, especially those not "touched by adoption", needs to be made aware of the total lack of compassion agencies, courts and the whole adoption industry has towards adoptees and their rights.

Thanksgiving Ramblings

I've always liked Thanksgiving. Not for the Pilgrim stuff (just think how history would be different if they had starved). I like the fact its more a guilt free holiday. To me its about food and being with people you like (note that I did not say family). With my afam, it was one of the few holidays where my aparents would stay sober til nightfall. I guess all the food helped keep them somewhat more coherent. My amother wasnt much of a cook, but she did put out a decent spread. I missed school the Wednesday before each Thanksgiving because I had to stay home and help prepare for the day. I had to polish the silver, iron the tableclothes etc. I didnt really mind because usually the household stayed peaceful for a few days. There was also the vain attempt of family bonding. This year, we stayed home. Usually we make the trek to the inlaws (a two hour drive) and celebrate with them. The crowd of friends and family is anywhere from 15 to 50 people. Its nice, but I am not a people person. I like small small small gatherings. The only holiday I have had a chance to celebrate with my ndad is Easter. His visit coincided with Easter and Brie's bday. We, of course, ended up having Easter Dinner with the inlaws. Ndad got to meet the whole family and we were stared at a lot....lol I have to say my inlaws are very accepting people. Ndad isnt my ndad he is just plain Mary's Dad to them. Anyways, I always look forward to Thanksgiving. Its a hard holiday for many and this year I became aware that this month is devoted to adoption awareness. If you read any of the junk out there, the emphasis again has not been about promoting adoption from foster care, but grabbing newborns or "orphans" from poor countries. I have read a few blogs and articles lately, and the entitlement oozing from the adoptors is sickening. The fear that Guatemala may stop adoptions to the US due is sad. Why wouldnt adoptors want legal and ethical adoption? Guatemala is notorious for corruption, but again no one is willing to admit that their adoption may have been unethical. One thing I am NOT thankful for.... adoption.

Health Scare

I had a bad health scare on Sunday. All is okay (after a bunch of tests) but one thing I was able to do, was give a medical history. Imagine if this had happened a few years ago when I knew nothing.... I went through three high risk pregnancies with no history (scary). Another thing adoptees are denied!

Failed adoption...oops Disrupted adoption

Yucky! Can't say failed adoption any more (when the aparents give back the kid) its now disruption. There are valid reason why this happens but this article is an example of one that does not have valid reason.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?in_article_id=492346&in_page_id=1879

Why do I do it??

Sometimes I wonder why I try and teach people about adoption reality. It gets me down so much. I then have to remind myself that I have helped defog a few people. One is M. M thought adoption was win-win for everyone. I explained the downside and M realized maybe his sister's depression and other issues were to blame on her having to give up her baby years ago (no I wont use the term place or relinquish, she was made to give up her baby). He just felt adoption was the answer to "her problem" and not the cause of her mental health woes. I have shown him #s etc on adoption and how unethical the industry is. I was able to talk with a few others and explain to them the lack of adoptee rights in this country. Yet for every person I help defog, they are in the minority. Why else would there be Adoption Awareness Month.

Oops

Well dammit I forgot to blog yesterday. Guess I failed Nablopomo. Oh well, I was having way to much fun doing lookups for people. Dork I know. Work at the bookstore is done for now. I had a great time. Housework and laundry paid the price....lol
I still need to add blog links but if you follow those links you will really have your eyes opened about the adoption industry and the lack of rights for adult adoptees.
No deep thoughts for today! Gotta get caught up at home.

Outing nmother

I have kept my promise not to tell anyone in nmom's (hey mine too) family about me. I keep from posting at the surname message boards and my online trees are password protected. Every now and then I get the urge to contact someone and tell them who I am. I dont do it but the temptation is there. I guess knowledge is power in this case because I know I can make contact but dont. Does that make sense? I know a few people who have outed their nmothers with success, and a few who did not have any success.
I am tempted to, to contact my nsibs from ndad's first marriage. K is only ten months younger than me, N is ten months younger than K. N was told about me by ndad when they had their one meeting. He has ndad's email addy but hasn't contacted ndad since. I don't pursue contacting them since they have so little interest in ndad. I guess I feel some loyalty. Maybe this is one situation I have control over too. K has a daughter about the same age as my youngest. It's just sad how adoption ruins so many.

Angst

Feeling angsty lately. Figured out why. The longer the time is between the last phone call from my nmom the more depressed I become. Sigh, the joy of living adoption. I had a post all nicely planned out today...not in the mood.

International Adoption

I grew up with international adoption (IA), both my asibs were adopted from Germany. Today I am really conflicted about IA and especially transracial adoption and adoptees (TRA). My asibs and I could "pass" as being biological children of our aparents. TRA dont have that luxury. Their status as a TRA is always there when they are out with their afams. I am conflicted though, I don't like the idea of children growing up in a orphanage. Before I started to post this, I made sure to get some numbers (someone posted a link in answer to my query). The statistics only go back to 1990, but they really stunned me. IA to me is a Catch 22. The more money the IA industry makes in a country, the more adoptions seem to happen.
Here is the link: http://travel.state.gov/family/adoption/stats/stats_451.html#

If you go to a lot of adoption forums, you will notice how active the Guatemala forums are. The Guat IA industry is rife with corruption. People adopting from Guat don't deny this but justify their adoptions saying it other agencies or lawyers who are corrupt but not theirs. Market value is supply and demand, as much as people hate to admit it, babies are now a commodity. Look at the numbers. Its staggering. In 1990 visas issued to "orphans" coming to the US from Guat was 257, by 2006 the number was 4,135. Astounding. IA adoption in 1990 total 7,093; 2006 total 20,679. What is going on? I dont have the numbers for US kids in foster care but I can imagine its quite high. Do I have a a solution? No. I am still trying to get over these numbers. Just in 2000, the number from Guat was 1,518; look at the increase in six years alone.
I don't get it, I don't understand it and I don't like it.

NaBloPoMo

No I didnt sneeze. NaBloPoMo stands for National Blog Posting Month. I had seen NaBloPoMo mentioned elsewhere but was afraid to ask what the heck it stood for. So now being the well behaved person I am, I am going to post every day. So November is chock full of fun with NaBloPoMo and of course Adoption Bewareness Month.
Maybe I should start today out with stupid comments/questions I have heard.
Growing up:
You dont look adopted.
Why didnt your real mother want you?
Who do you look like?
What are you?
You are so lucky to be adopted!
You should be grateful someone took you in.

While I was searching:
Do your parents know?
Did you ask your parents if you can look?
You are opening a can of worms.
Why would you want to find her?
Do you know if you have a father?

After I found:
Why did you intrude on her privacy?
Does she know who your father was?
Arent you lucky that they want to talk to you.
Why do you still want to talk to them, they told you what you needed to know.

I'm sure I can recall more. I wish the real people out there would think before they speak!

Adoption Be-wareness Month

Check the bloggers I have linked to learn more. I dont have anything really brilliant to add. Just dont buy into the sunshine and puppy dog stories about adoption put out there by the media. I still have blogs to add so stand by.