its over

yes its over. It never really was much of a relationship with my nmother. I hadnt heard from her in over 18 months. She called today. Partially because my daughter had called her (I knew about it, daughter fessed up) and she said she didnt want any of my kids to call her. She also said she finally told "her daughter" about me and her daughter doesnt want contact. She also fessed up to her siblings (a few knew but didnt talk to her about me) and they all dont want contact either. Our long conversation was a goodbye. Nmother has brain tumors and she told me her sister will let me know when she dies.

Liar liar pants on fire!

Yeah not very adult of me but thats how I am feeling. I try really really hard to have sympathy for birthmothers (I am using that term deliberately). I just helped an adoptee search. The bmother lied and lied some more about her info. X gave a fake name, made up story about being single and in college (ahem she was married) and I am sure we will uncover more lies. Z (the adoptee) hasnt spoken directly with X. X's hubby put Z on speaker phone and was quite nasty with Z. Unlike so many of us adoptees (people pleasers) Z didnt put up with his crap. I doubt we will have a "happy" reunion here with bmom but thats not the point. The bright note is that the bfather was thrilled to be found. He had been searching for Z for many years. We are very lucky that X couldnt hide from the truth. Lies always come back to bite you in the ass.

Happy news for a change

A positive development.... I had left a message at my half-bro's myspace account a few weeks ago. I followed up with my email addy when he didnt respond. He forwarded it to K his full (and my half sis). Their father is also my father. She emailed me and we went crazy emailing back and forth yesterday. She and N had a very painful childhood. Ndad basically abandoned them and their mother. He left to go to the store and never came back. I pretty much knew this. He finally got sober and off drugs about ten years ago. He attempted to make amends but of course was rebuffed. Its very bittersweet now connecting with K knowing how badly ndad's actions hurt her and N and their mother. I dont have the painful history and past with ndad and we have been able to forge a relationship. When I visited him I was tempted to contact my half sibs but fear of upsetting ndad and fear of rejection by them held me back. Hopefully, K and I will continue to learn more about each other and someday meet. We have a lot in common and we are both willing to let what happened to K and N regarding ndad not affect our relationship. She has some of the abandonment issues many adoptees have. I think she and I are off to a positive start.

Slipping into sadness

Today was good. I helped an adoptee search and he had his first phone call with his nmother. I am very happy for him. She wondered over the years about him but would have never searched. It drives the point home to me though. My nmother wishes to go back believing I am dead. Its easier she told me.

Happy ? Anniversary

Its my "reunion" anniversary. Sad. It sucks I havent heard from my mother in over a year. Then I feel guilty. At least I know who and where my mother is. Is it cocktail hour yet?

Anniversary time

THAT day is fact approaching. June 12. The first time I spoke to my mother. Now its been nearly four years. Over a year since I heard from her. I wonder, will she remember the day she found out I was alive? What will she be thinking about me if she does? Father's Day is around the corner too. June 25 is also coming up. My ndad's bday, the day he got my contact letter. June 26, the day I got my first email from ndad. I still laugh about the fact I was so excited I didnt notice he had attached pics to the email. Sad and happy days.

Update!

Help spread the word!

For more information, please visit http://www.adopteerights.netHello everyone!July 22nd is fast approaching! Here is the update for the Adoptee Rights Day demonstration in New Orleans. We will be posting frequent updates so folks will be in the loop with schedules and what the plan of action is for the next two months, and while in New Orleans attending the demonstration and Exhibitors Booth.New Orleans demonstration updates:The permit for Lafayette Square has been paid for and is in our possession.The demonstration and march will be held Tuesday July 22nd beginning at 9:00 am (more details soon).The Exhibitors Booth has been paid for and the Adoptee Rights Committee will be in booth #246 on the Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday following the demonstration.We have received over $3000 in donations! Thanks to everyone for supporting ARD. Our goal for a full page ad in the print version of the New Orleans Times-Picayune listing adult adoptees and their friends and family who support adoptee rights is still in progress, if you haven’t done so already add your name to the list!A writing campaign to Legislators starts on Friday June 6th (information and instructions will be available on the evening of the 5th).We are asking for volunteers to assist the organizers while at the event, if you can help us out in New Orleans please let us know.If you haven’t done so already hop on over to our mailing list where you can get immediate updates about our Writing Campaign starting tomorrow Friday June 6th, as well as interaction with all of the other protesters and supporters of Open Records and the Demonstration.***We regret to inform people that Bastard Nation is no longer one of the Adoptee Rights Day sponsors. We wish them well and thank them for their efforts thus far. **The days are counting down and the time is near, so much work is coming together and it couldn’t have been possible without you. Thank you.For any questions about the demonstration, please contact admin@adopteerights.net

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day!

No reply

Well its been over three weeks since I emailed a copy of my OBC to nmother. I figured seeing it or the fact I had it would prompt her to call. Nope. Nada. Zilch.

My OBC Has Arrived

I finally sent off for it a few weeks ago. Texas law changed shortly after I found my nfam. Adoptees who know their nparents name(s) can get an uncertified copy of their OBC. I put off doing it since I dont really need it. Seeing it for the first time was strange and surreal. I am a real person. I was really born in a hospital. I now know what time I was born. I finally have proof of who I was.

Gardening

Its that time of year again. People start talking about starting their new gardens. One of the few conversations nmother and I had that wasnt strained or overly polite was about gardening. S is an avid gardener, less so now due to health issues. We talked quite a bit about our gardens and favorites. It was great. It also reminded me of how much I lost not being raised by my mother.
I grew up in the Southwest. Not exactly a great place to garden. When I was about ten, my aparents had our above ground pool removed. I thought that the old pool site would be perfect for a garden. I was clueless. My aparents had no interest in the outdoors and no interest in what interested me. I tried though. I dug up a good size area and planted seeds. I watered and watered and nothing happened. I finally gave up. Now I realize that the soil was compacted and needed compost etc.
Since I have moved here I have dabbled in gardening. Our first house here had very little soil and the yard was rocky. I had an area with lots of potted plants. When we moved here I was determined to garden. Not easy to do with a newborn, so I put it off. The times I have really made an effort, nature has defeated me. My first site, which I cleared all the grass etc out, got flooded in a freak storm. I moved the garden. This next site, got mauled by wild pigs. I tried again. This time it was going well, but we got a minature horse and she got caught in the fence. I gave up. I kept a few herbs in pots but figured I would stick to trees.
Well a friend has moved into our guest house (half of it anyway). He is a gifted gardener. When I told him how I worked to remove the grass from a large area, roto till it etc, he said why? Just dig a hole and stick the seeds in. I guess I fell for the "Martha Stewart" gardening methods of making it perfect. So now we have marked out an area and plan to fence it. He brought over a bunch of herb plants too. Maybe his green thumb will wear off onto me.
Its sad. Its that time of year again. I still havent heard from my mother. At least if she calls, we can talk plants.

Illegal and Unethical Adoptions

Much has been written about the current trend of adoption agencies to lie and hide the facts that the fathers of several children did NOT consent to an adoption. This site is about one such situation.

http://www.babyselling.com/

Please sign his petition.

Please comment on this editorial

http://www.thnt.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2008803010396



this piece is full of lies and bullshit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Depressed

Yes, what a surprise I am getting more and more depressed. Its coming up on a year of not hearing from nmother. Next month is Spring Break too. Look at my birthdate and count back, I am a product of spring break and partying. March is hard. I met my ndad in person in March 2005, hard to believe its been almost three years. I remember chatting at an adoption site (a very very proadoption site) and another adoptee came in and asked how our "angst was doing". I work obsessively on my genealogy, making up for lost time. I realize though, I dont really fit in with my nfam's history, I wasnt there to hear the stories. I dont fit in at all with my afam's history either. Growing up I always listened to the stories but I knew chances were slim that my ancestors were on the same ship. So here I am adrift and depressed. How common am I.

Transracial Adoptees aka TRA

I'm not a TRA. In fact I managed to "pass" for being a bio child of my aparents. Therefore, I could chose who to tell or not about the fact I was adopted. Not the case for TRA. I admit I have done this, stare at a family unit where it is clear the kids are adopted. Not to be rude but recognizing one of my fellow adoptees. I cannot imagine having to go through childhood being stared out by strangers though. Or hearing about being "rescued". My abro was adopted from a German orphanage, and he got to here the "we picked you out of all the kids even though you drooled" story shoved down his throat. Why this post? Yet again, the ethics of International Adoption are coming up. Please read this:

http://www.ethicanet.org/item.php?recordid=Identity1&pagestyle=default

Please watch on you tube

Please watch these two videos on youtube.

http://www.youtube.com/iwasstolen

Not emailing

Well I decided not to email nmom for a while. My last email was about updating the genealogy info etc. No call, she hasnt even looked at it. I last heard from her in March or May last year. Why bother......

Martinis and Me, Serial Killers and Handwriting

A last tidbit from our trip.... I only did a few "adult" activities while on vacation. First was a "History of the Martini" class. "Try four martinis, get a fifth one free". Well that sold me. Bill's sister C decided to attend "class" also. The Bartender aka teacher gave us an overview on the history of the martini, important lesson on shaken NOT stirred and more importantly four drinks to taste (not full sized drinks, maybe a third of a full drink, otherwise I would not have remembered class). I favored the vodka over the gin martini, and the Cosmo over the appletini. For the fifth one I tried a melontini. I can now order a grown up drink! Watch out...no more "white wine please" for me!
The next exciting class I took was "Handwriting Analysis of Serial Killers". I had missed the three other classes on graphology because of other activities. I think the Serial Killer class attracted a large crowd. We did play spot the adoptee serial killer, such fun. Overall the class was very interesting so I attended the "Handwriting and Famous People". A much smaller group, I'm sure that says a lot about humanity....lol
Enough about my trip...maybe until I get the pics developed and have more memories to share........

"What we got one curfew?"

Another tidbit from out trip. More on the quote later.
I dont like New Years Eve celebrations. They seem fake and just an excuse for the adults (and even non adults) to get drunk and wear silly hats. The cruise had several different parties planned. The main party was on the pool deck (hot tubs filled with ice and champagne), food stations and lots of noise makers (ugh). The other restaurants and bars had festivities planned. I managed to convince Caitlin to get up at 10 to see the party. She was not impressed. Brie and her cousin K (12) came by. I offered to sign them into the tween club, and they agreed. I also told them I would check back in an hour to see if they wanted to stay (nice of me since K's mother was no where to be found). I went back to the pool deck, Bill and Caitlin were both bored, so we went back to the room. Around 1130, I checked on Brie and K. They were totally bored (whooo big party for them, pizza and no music even). They ran off the minute I signed them out and tossed their wristbands. I headed back to the pool deck aiming for some free champagne (free from 1145-1215, yep I am cheap). I snagged a few (k more than a few) glasses and kept an eye out for the girls, figuring they would want to be at the main party. I had no hope of finding Ed, as the teens had a party in the Longboard Bar. Free champagne over, I headed back to the room. At 1am, I went in search of the girls again. One of their cruise friends said they were playing on the elevators. I looked again but nada. I was starting to get irritated. I went back to the room, in case Brie had gone back. Nope. I knocked on their Aunt's door (who I knew wouldnt be their but thought K and Brie may have gone to K's room). Nope but nephew C was hiding from me while his cousin S answered the door, like I cant smell rum. Arg. At 2am I went in search again. This time I went to where the main party was and behold the girls were leaving. I gave them The Look and said "Do you know what time it is?". K then uttered the words "What we got one curfew?". Said full of attitude. Ed then wandered up and said "What the hell are they still doing up?". Ed was miffed when I was sniffing him, just checking...lol The girls ran ahead of me to the rooms. By the time I got to ours, four girls were knocking on Ed's door. I almost told them he wasnt there but let them figure it out. My "mommy radar" didnt let me sleep til I heard Ed come in at 330 (he is a door slammer). Finally, I could sleep. Happy New Year to me.

Teenage Boys and Mini Bars

Well I was going to post an orderly blog about my trip but why? Who wants to read about airport security, cruise line security (three screenings? WTF) and the like. Lets get to the good stuff.
The girls and I had the stateroom with the porch. Very nice. We made Bill and Ed take the inside room (I would go nuts in one). I also made sure the "honor bar" was locked in our rooms. Mainly because I could see the allure of Pringles at 2am.
Ed made friends with E and his brother. They are from Canada. E and bro shared a room far from their parents (which made Ed quite jealous). Dec 30, E decided to host a party in his room. Mayhem ensued. According to Bill, Ed staggered in about 330 am and said he was sea sick and proceeded to barf all over the bathroom. Bill bought it. I tried to wake Ed for his long anticipated excursion (zip lining over valleys and ravines in Kauai). No luck. Ed finally got up (around 11am). I told him he had been sick. He didnt believe me til he put on his shorts from earlier (ewww gross) and took a peek into the bathroom. He then started on the sea sick story. Yeah right. He fessed up to drinking but denied it was from the honor bar in E's room. K sure. Every thing he listed was exactly in the mini bar (I had inventoried ours to make sure we didnt get charged for anything, then locked it). I guess Black Label and Jose Cuervo dont mix well. The girls at the party cornered Ed and shaved off his little moustache too. A super soaker water gun was loaded with misc alcohol and shot all over the room too. Ed (after telling me all) then said he wanted his room to himself on New Years Eve. Ummm no f-ing way! Bill still buys into the sea sick crapola, but the cousins sure dont. I did run into Ed (while looking for Brie and her cousin, another story there) at 2am New Years am, he was quite sober and having fun. Lesson learned? Not sure, but I bet E's parents learned to lock the bar.

Home

Well, we got home yesterday. We had a great time. I will blog more in detail once I get caught up with reality (sigh, bummer). Hope everyone had a safe New Years!