Introduction Part 1

I have been reading blogs for awhile, mostly those by fellow adoptees. I am amazed at how articulate they are and will attempt a blog for me. I do have a blog, but its my "happy" family blog and not adoption related. I used the term b here meaning bio (not in a bad way) not birth. Its what I am comfortable with.

I was born Infant Atwell. The state of Texas, to make things harder, generally puts Infant instead of Baby Boy or Baby Girl. If there is more than one adoptee born on that day in a county it makes the search more difficult. I knew my birthname from about the age of 8 when I demanded that my aparents show me what info they had. There was only an adoption decree. Unlike my two asibs from Germany, they had it ALL. OBC, etc. During the years of pestering my amother, she told my my bmom's name S. I finally had a name.

I joined ALMA at 18 and started actively searching. I found an S Atwell who had married in TX. I wrote to the woman of the same name and sadly she wasnt my bmom. She was very kind and I still have her letter. I spent years chasing an Atwell family that had lived in El Paso (where I was born). After off and on searching I finally got reconnected to the internet in April 2004. I set a goal of July 1 2004, if I didnt find her by then I would hire someone. I also found on the birthbooks S's middle initial E. That allowed me to narrown down my search. I had a list of seven possible matches. Two were very similar (same siblings names etc, freaky). I called one in MO's brother who said he would pass my message along. I called another's bro in AZ who told me his sister's married name (I told him I was following up on genealogy postings) and where she lived. I called this one right away and got a recording. Just hearing the voice, I knew it was HER. I called back a few hours later (ready to barf) and she answered. I said my name and that I was born in El Paso and when. I said my information made me believe she was my birthmother and asked if she was. She said yes and asked for my number to call back. That was the longest five minutes. She had changed to her cell phone and gone into another room.

Her story came tumbling out. She said "I was going to keep you. I moved to El Paso to get away from my family. I went into the hospital to have you and when I woke up, the doctor said I had a baby boy who died". WHOA. She went on about Dr Joe, her care and how she tried to see "the body". She then asked me if I wanted to know "who your daddy is". I didnt expect this in the first conversation. She told me his name, where he had graduated school. She said she had wanted to marry him. When she went to his house after telling him she was pregnant, his mother said he had left town. She told me about her terrible childhood, about her two children (all this while careful not to name names) and that she had planned to name me Mary Estelle (I am named Mary Beth). The conversation lasted about an hour and I tried to take notes. I was totally blown away. Twenty years of searching (if you count from when I was 18) over. My husband who was mowing the lawn kept creeping over to make sure I was okay. I was stunned and on that "high". First person I called was my asis, then my fatherinlaw. That was 12 June 2004. Noon.