New years Resolution

Since "everyone" knows about me and dont care to have contact, all gloves are off. I am going to contact every single family member (many of whom I have contact info for over four years) that I cand find. Plus no more vague posting online at ancestry and other genie sites.

its over

yes its over. It never really was much of a relationship with my nmother. I hadnt heard from her in over 18 months. She called today. Partially because my daughter had called her (I knew about it, daughter fessed up) and she said she didnt want any of my kids to call her. She also said she finally told "her daughter" about me and her daughter doesnt want contact. She also fessed up to her siblings (a few knew but didnt talk to her about me) and they all dont want contact either. Our long conversation was a goodbye. Nmother has brain tumors and she told me her sister will let me know when she dies.

Liar liar pants on fire!

Yeah not very adult of me but thats how I am feeling. I try really really hard to have sympathy for birthmothers (I am using that term deliberately). I just helped an adoptee search. The bmother lied and lied some more about her info. X gave a fake name, made up story about being single and in college (ahem she was married) and I am sure we will uncover more lies. Z (the adoptee) hasnt spoken directly with X. X's hubby put Z on speaker phone and was quite nasty with Z. Unlike so many of us adoptees (people pleasers) Z didnt put up with his crap. I doubt we will have a "happy" reunion here with bmom but thats not the point. The bright note is that the bfather was thrilled to be found. He had been searching for Z for many years. We are very lucky that X couldnt hide from the truth. Lies always come back to bite you in the ass.

Happy news for a change

A positive development.... I had left a message at my half-bro's myspace account a few weeks ago. I followed up with my email addy when he didnt respond. He forwarded it to K his full (and my half sis). Their father is also my father. She emailed me and we went crazy emailing back and forth yesterday. She and N had a very painful childhood. Ndad basically abandoned them and their mother. He left to go to the store and never came back. I pretty much knew this. He finally got sober and off drugs about ten years ago. He attempted to make amends but of course was rebuffed. Its very bittersweet now connecting with K knowing how badly ndad's actions hurt her and N and their mother. I dont have the painful history and past with ndad and we have been able to forge a relationship. When I visited him I was tempted to contact my half sibs but fear of upsetting ndad and fear of rejection by them held me back. Hopefully, K and I will continue to learn more about each other and someday meet. We have a lot in common and we are both willing to let what happened to K and N regarding ndad not affect our relationship. She has some of the abandonment issues many adoptees have. I think she and I are off to a positive start.

Slipping into sadness

Today was good. I helped an adoptee search and he had his first phone call with his nmother. I am very happy for him. She wondered over the years about him but would have never searched. It drives the point home to me though. My nmother wishes to go back believing I am dead. Its easier she told me.

Happy ? Anniversary

Its my "reunion" anniversary. Sad. It sucks I havent heard from my mother in over a year. Then I feel guilty. At least I know who and where my mother is. Is it cocktail hour yet?

Anniversary time

THAT day is fact approaching. June 12. The first time I spoke to my mother. Now its been nearly four years. Over a year since I heard from her. I wonder, will she remember the day she found out I was alive? What will she be thinking about me if she does? Father's Day is around the corner too. June 25 is also coming up. My ndad's bday, the day he got my contact letter. June 26, the day I got my first email from ndad. I still laugh about the fact I was so excited I didnt notice he had attached pics to the email. Sad and happy days.